High Court Strikes Down Bullet Bill Ban

TOAD TOWN, MUSHROOM KINGDOM — In a stunning reversal of precedent, the Mushroom Kingdom High Court struck down a sentient weapons ban designed to make Bullet Bills illegal in the country, citing constitutional concerns. The 6-3 majority voted alongside Chancellor Toadsworth, who has long advocated for the ban’s removal. Banzai Bills remain outlawed, thanks to Great Monster Prohibition.

“Rescinding the Bullet Bill ban makes our children less safe and our nation less secure,” Minister Thistletoad wrote in her dissent. “Just look at what’s happening in the Koopa-occupied territories. We absolutely cannot allow that type of wholesale slaughter to take root in the Mushroom Kingdom.”

However, Chancellor Toadworth also invoked the ongoing Toadstool-Koopa War in his majority opinion. “Had Bullet Bills been available to the residents of Nimbus Land, Desert Hill, or the other occupied kingdoms, who knows where we’d be today?” Toadworth wrote. “Probably not staring down the barrel of a full-on Koopa invasion, I’ll wager that much.” 

The Toad Town Times confirms that the pun is intended.

A matter of intelligence, or a lack thereof

The majority’s decision hinges on the 17th Amendment’s controversial definition of “sentience,” which it describes as being “about as smart as a human, Toad, Beanish, or other such creature.” Opponents of the ban, including Chancellor Toadsworth, argue that Bullet Bills do not meet that definition.

“They fly where you point ’em. Sure, a few can follow their targets, but you can train a Yoshi to do that. We don’t ban Yoshis,” Toadsworth said last year at a pro-Bullet Bill rally.

Ban abolitionists also argue that Bob-Ombs, which are legal, are far more dangerous than Bills. Their opponents observe that Bob-Ombs fall under the well-known “Bob-Omb Exception,” which carves out space for creatures with non-combat uses, like clearing rubble or assisting with demolitions.

This is the 83rd time the sentient weapons ban has been overturned. Anti-Bullet Bill activists have already appealed the decision to Princess Toadstool, who is expected to veto it immediately.